Growing Up

It is something we do long after we are full grown it seems.

I can't speak for everyone, but I personally have done more growing up since I have reached full grown than I did prior. I am not referring to a physical growth, although there has been some of that, mostly around the middle which is less than desirable.

This growth is internal..... emotional & spiritual.

It is in these areas I hovered around grade school levels until recently. I am not saying that I have come all that far since becoming more aware of my lack of maturity in some of these areas. Today I may be closer to graduating junior high school, emotionally and spiritually.

I am taking an approach that someone recently shared with me.

The question was posed:

"How would you eat an elephant?" - sounds silly right?

Well, the answer is obvious..... a bite at a time.

I am looking back at things I have said and done and my reasons and rationalizations behind these words and actions. I have hurt others with lies and omissions of truth and in turn stunted my own emotional and spiritual growth. Much of this is due to not being properly equipped to deal with reality and honestly express my needs and feelings.

The thing is, I can't attempt to fix it all at once or assume I can fix it all, at all.

To try to swallow the whole elephant in one bite would be futile. Likewise trying to fix the damage I have done to myself and others in one day is unrealistic and quite impossible, not to mention totally overwhelming.

It took a lot of years of avoidance of feelings, truth, reality..... of 'growing up' in general, before I could no longer avoid it. I cannot expect to resolve my problem(s) with myself as well as others in a few days, weeks or even months.

So I have taken a few bites and some of them could use some salt..... no, maybe sugar would be better. These things are salty enough. But no amount of sugar can sweeten the wrongs of the past. I am 'bite by bite' handling these things, picking them up and looking at them from all angles. It may not be easy but it is healthy and it is the grown up thing to do.

So today, at age 41 I am experiencing growing pains like never before. If it only it were as easy as a snake shedding its outgrown and dead skin. This is, at times, like the shedding of live skin with all nerves still intact.

The absolute beauty of all of this.....

I am still alive to feel it and do it.

Each day that I am given will be used for good and right, because each day is a gift that we are given.

Today is a gift, to be unwrapped.....

.....that is why it's called the present.